The M*A*S*H* Theme Song

Today kinda sucked. I actually did productive things, a little gardening, re-seasoned the cast iron cookware, cleaned up the garage just a little bit more, figured out a little bit of the Westworld opening theme song on the piano (I have an ancient Casio, nothing exciting), yet, today I just felt bad. I felt useless. I tried to sit in that, to let it come over (giggity) and pass me.

"But you're a major depressive with generalized anxiety, why wallow?"

Why, indeed. I was trying to recognize it, see this sudden sullenness for what it was. I tried to talk to my wife about it, I was feeling "needy," but she wasn't having it. And maybe that's a good thing, maybe pissing someone off with my "woe is me" BS was how to break that particular funk. What was there to recognize? That I'm getting three weeks on into unemployment and despite numerous applications still no leads? She suggested I go to Tulsa Tech, to learn about their medical coding program, versus Community Care College, which upon friendly review, doesn't seem like a good fit. But I'd decided to pull this particular antic a little close to the ANT getting out of school, where I need to pick her up. So, tomorrow.

But, that's part of my problem. Tomorrow. I'm either worried about it or putting something off onto it. And in my current state, it's a bit of both and they're feeding on and into each other.

Thoughts occurred to me. I'll leave it at that; I'm not crying out for help, farbeit from me to ever do anything so rash.

Instead, I applied to two more temp agencies, one of which actually previously got me work, so, fingers crossed and all that. I also called Tulsa Tech after they had yet to respond to my query from yesterday evening. Unfortunately, they do not offer financial assistance for their part-time, online program, only their full-time student programs. That's a 9 month course, Monday through Friday, 8-3. And it's what I'm going to go see them about tomorrow morning.

That's one thing on my plate for tomorrow. Tomorrow is also the big day for our family in court where we see a judge about my petition to adopt the ANT. After tomorrow, she'll be the ANT-B and legally my daughter. Just the law catching up to our family.

See? I have stuff to live for. I was just very low today. Well, I'm also furious right now considering the evening's news; yes, something needs to be done about Syria and Assad, but, and I think this is why the Obama Administration balked, to do so is to also, most likely, go to war with Russia, and that's a very bad situation to be in. That's my opinion, and I'll stop there...for now.

I did however finally hear back from my previous employer and they will pay me for the week I was off, instead of docking my pay for vacation I supposedly did not earn. Now...I'm still waiting on an unemployment ruling. If I knew when and where money was coming from I might not be so worried and anxious. If you're reading this, maybe look at my GoFundMe? Because it looks like my next step in life is to become a student again. And that's terrifying.

"Where the fear has gone...
Only I will remain."

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