These aren't the droids you're looking for...

Microsoft's Kinect. Hmm. This thing seems pretty darned interesting, if not outright terrifying. I've seen those YouTube vid-yas of the infrared laserbeams speckling your living rooms and penises. My buddy posted his own Facebook video of a friend trying out Dance Central and dancing to some Lady GaGa. A little understandable lag considering the machine has to shoot out said lasers, collect information, determine whathaveyou's, translate embarrassment, process to visual signal, television then needs to translate to an image your eyeholes can understand. Quarter of a second. Impressive. Seriously, think about that, all this technological, electrical hoodoo is happening that fast. And it's connected to the internet. This thing is Big Brother. It even looks like it's staring at you.



But it's not the first. It's not original. Not even slightly. It's just been given an astronomical price tag and touted as awesome. Yeah, it's been out for a while and plenty of people have written about it, yay or nay, but it's all this stuff about hacking it to do things it's capable of but not designed for. It's the head of a flying robot. It's simulating Minority Report. It can sensor your bitch tits. (I like Kotaku, so sue me.)

But this technology was around on the Playstation 2 when the EyeToy was introduced. Hell, the Gameboy had a camera, the DSi was putting you in the game on a FREE Wario installment more than a year ago. Even the Wii, a not too entirely different concept, is the precursor to all this "motion gaming."

Microsoft, continually ripping off its competitors, all the way back to the split from Apple. The danger of Microsoft's own hacks is the hacks that people can exploit from Microsoft, from issues with Windows, to the countless (I've heard) user generated "massage" games on the XBox Live Market or whatever it is. Microsoft will surely be its own undoing, and Kinect is staring its victims down with Terminator-like menace. And it'll be that patient, too, you won't even know it. Laser to your brain, over a few months or years, dead. Right in the middle of Dance Central (which is a total rip-off of Just Dance! for the Wii, which is a rip-off of Dance Dance Revolution, which is a rip-off of dancing...stupid Microsoft, copying copies of copies...we're all gonna die).

Step Right Up